Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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