He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
