Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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