She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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