Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize