So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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