There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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