Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
