yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
