is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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