then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Randomize
