You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
