I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Welp...herpes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
