Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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