Im at strip club and am horny
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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