I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
