Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize