i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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