paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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