I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
