she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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