we're chasing vodka with high fives
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so let's talk penis.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
