Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize