I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
