those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
