Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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