omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
