I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize