a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
