I wanna bring you to show and tell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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