we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
