Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
