honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
