So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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