I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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