I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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