This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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