the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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