Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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