Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
