I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
