There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone came in the potted fern
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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