the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
