have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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