Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize