your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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