I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
