Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
