It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize