Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
