somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am spending my child support on dildos
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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