Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
