trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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