GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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