Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
