I got chris browned last night
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
