omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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