You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize