Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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