I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize