and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
