i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
