saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
