it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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