You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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