I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
