maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize