new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
