who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
