hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i barfeds in our rink
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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