Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
