Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
