How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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