it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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