one word: firstdatebathroomanal
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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