Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
