Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had sex on a roof
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
