Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
