we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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